Scarfs

these two and their scarfs!

I just HAD to share this one:

i think she truly believes that i can’t spot her hiding in the clothes racks — love this girl.

happy week!

last one, promise..... UP & DOWN

Updates | oh lovely updates...

morning reading....

eye exam.....

the boy post bath......


nature watching...


the artist at work....

apple lover....

red.....

apparently i was in a red mood this morning…

asleep

fingers crossed we’ll all be getting a lot more of it in the coming days…
hooray for sleep consultants!
tears...

today was one of those days. here’s hoping for a happier tomorrow.
holding onto summer....

slide races...

milk mustache.....

apple face....

every time i gave him a piece of apple today, he made this face. i gave him a lot of apples…

tippy toes.....

sunset...

enjoy.....

an afternoon at the enjoy centre with friends.

that evening

 sqeeze....

she may not always be particularly gentle, but she sure does hug with feeling.

again with boxes.....

xoxo Grace
P.S. hailey you are in my prayers..... <3

Updates {Camping & daycare}

in the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that these images are not at all an accurate representation of what sleep in our tent looked like all night.

not. at. all.

We had a great time camping for a little end of summer celebration! Lila loved the smore's & cole was all into the cuddling & warmth! <3


We. Are. Putting. Lila. In. Daycare.

uh, those were the six hardest words I have had to say this fall. I hate it. We desided I needed more me time & Cole wasn't getting the sleep he needed so she has to go for just 2 hrs a day to my best friends house for her daycare service. :) I trust her so much, however there is this little person inside telling me not to let go, luckily she is my best friend & is only two houses down... <3 So expect me coming, oh about every minute haha.

Have a great week & please pray for me & lila that we have a smooth tranaction into this daycare thing... :(

xoxo Grace

Catching up

I must share this hot mamma's blog!

So I have been away, lately!
IN PARIS. I am so sorry for the long wait on this post, update. I left my two beautiful kids with our sweet "Nanny" for the long weekend! here are some awesome photographs of the kiddos. <3

 franticly rushing to me, after we got home from a beautiful & long trip away form them. {Nicole took this one, my favorite}

 hanging out with his buddy!

 this was before i left....
lila tagged along while i photographed our good friends tonight. she wasn’t distracting at all ;)

 fun @ the fair!

 shower time :) baby boy, chubby cheeks!

 I love this one of her, lila's, eye!

 complete with harmonica, because really, who goes boating without one?! ;)

cole’s nursery has been sitting almost finished for a good six months now — i suppose it’s about time i get the art hung on the walls before he turns one! here are a few little details to tide over those of you who’ve been asking to see the room — if all goes according to plan, hopefully i’ll be sharing the whole thing before his birthday rolls around ;)

xoxo Grace :)

Elle . Baby Girl

 

This is a long post and also is graphic about what happened the day Elle passed. It's raw emotion but remember, it's important for me to remember. I never want to forget.

Just thinking about writing about what happened...the grief..the terrible things we've had to do since Elle's been gone makes me so "heavy." I feel a physical weakness, a cool numbing feeling, a heaviness that consumes my mind, body, and heart. I miss my girl when I walked into Elle's room. I got heavy. So many memories, emotions and wishes come flooding in. I still can see her sleeping in her bed-I can even feel her in there. Every night, Jason and I check on Lila & Cole before we go to bed and then go to tell Elle goodnight. I leave Elle's lamp on all day so I feel like she's still here. The last night in the house when we turned her light off, I stayed in her room for a minute. Her night light was on and I felt her there-she should be in her bed sound asleep. I should be next to her in the guest bed, waiting for her nightly feeding.

I cannot believe she is not here. I cannot believe we have to live without her-we have to live this life of pain and anguish. It all still seems so unreal. I can't believe she's now been gone longer than she was alive. We've spent more time without her than with her. How could this be? The pain is so strong-like it's just beginning. I feel so sorry for Lila & Cole. They should be able to be playing with their little playmate. They were going to be the best of friends. they know she's not here and I can tell they miss her too. I feel like I didn't do my job as a mother to protect her. I could've been a better mother and advocate for my daughter and I wasn't.

The day everything happened was by far the worst day of my life. I've had 2 other calls to date that people I love had died-but that was NOTHING compared to this call...the call that would forever change me...the call telling me my DAUGHTER was lifeless.

July 8th, 2012 was awful. The morning started out as a very normal joyful morning. I woke the kids up at 7:15 to get them dressed. I changed them and had Elle & lila ready for our daycare lady's. Jason fed him a bottle at 7:30-I was mostly breastfeeding but we had to supplement formula too. Elle was happy that morning and ate just fine. The last image of her I have is her sitting in her car seat on the dining room table while I tucked her blanket around her so the kids could leave with Jay. I gave my kids a kiss, told them I loved them, and was off to work. I would never, in a million years, would have thought I'd get the most horrific call just 2 hours later.

Jay dropped Lila, Elle and Cole off at 8:00 a.m. The daycare lady said Elle was happy and smiling all morning and even flashed her a huge "Elle" smile before she laid her down. She said she laid her down for her nap at 9:15. She didn't take her paci when she laid down like she normally did. Elle always took her paci.

I was at work and was enjoying my morning when I saw my phone ringing. It was our daycare lady. I had no idea that what she was about to tell me would forever change our family. When I answered the phone I remember her saying, "Grraceee...I went to get our girl up from her nap and she's not breathing."

WHAT!?!?!?!

Make her breath! Dangit why couldn't she make her breath! She said she did CPR without any response from her. When I found out 911 hadn't yet been called, I literally hit the floor at work screaming No. This just couldn't be happening. She called 911 and so did my co-worker. I was now faced with a terrible thing-I had to call Jay. After telling him, I ran out of the office with 2 of my co-workers. We drove like maniacs to get to her. I kept trying to call my mom on the drive, called my sister in law, Jay, firefighters...I had to figure out where we were supposed to go. Once I found out I told Travis-we met at the hospital. I remember seeing the ambulance that brought my daughter there. I frantically was searching for her and was then shown where my baby was. I had Jason check on Cole & then Have the daycare lady stay with him for awhile until my sister came.

She looked so little-so helpless.

We got to be in the ER with her while they kept working on her. They worked on her for an hour and the entire time we held her hand, rubbed her foot and pleaded with her to come back to us. I could tell she was gone. Her feet were losing color, her cheeks looked chapped and dry, her tongue has the post mortem look. I will never forget that. It's awful.

The doctor came to me and said they did all they could do and she wasn't coming back. Our little girl was forever gone. Time of death: 11:17. I will always hear that in my head. We stayed with her until probably 2 that day. My father in law picked up Cole, lila, & Taylee for me-I wanted them safe.

We held our sweet baby, kissed her, pleaded with her to still come back.

This is the day the heaviness began...

xoxo Grace.

Swing baby girl {new us}

we just got a new house & we are so excited it has a beautiful front yard.

.....and it has a ROPE SWING! I mean that just sealed the deal...haha
my little girl is growing before my eyes & tend to look very similar to me at her age...

I just how much she have grown and become he own little personalities & beautiful face. Jazz is really getting into the whole photography sessions...we are talking daily sessions of her! I love it.

jazz has, also, been loving sleeping in & no school/day care. I am just living it up with my girl and we will start home-school in a month {at the end of September.} I keep putting it off. can you tell?!


trying to live it up at all those days at the park.....

beautiful little ones at the beach! & did I mention the little newest addition...
{his name....cole.....baby cole} here we are on a road trip to fresh start/ new house.


we are just trying to hold onto summer & soak it all up. New house, New hair, New baby, New us!

I will be posting a lot more & the sad stories that brought us to buying a new house & the loss of Ellie & Taylee.