Sweet notes

I had to finally decide to wait one more year for Lila to go to school of any kind. I love how much time i get with them & cute they are. I just can't imagine a day without her beautiful face. :)

Cole is groing up so fast, also. DUH
I know that at one point i will have to let these two go to college & live their own lives but, I miss them, already!

1 duvet cover + 1 fan + 2 kiddos = endless fun

nine months <3

three

brave...

after a visit to the doctor today (lila’s elbow is unfortunately prone to dislocating quite easily), we went for a little treat to celebrate her bravery :)

(as bittersweet as her growing older is, i am really looking forward to her outgrowing this tendency — it’s so hard on my heart to see her in pain. it’s not something i talk about often, but i am so very grateful to have two healthy children — i can’t even begin to imagine how difficult the alternative would be…)so wishing summer would last longer... :)
xoxo Grace

Lila was here

 

 

 

Lila has been face painted, sitting on bike racks for hours, eaten chocolate gummy bear ice cream with her friend & her cotton candy smartie, & celebrated her Uncle Mike's birthday!

I had to share this photo {my favorite one of Lila before Cole was born.} It really shows her true inner crazy self!

Memories {six - four}

I was just flipping through old photographs. We laughed, cried & felt completly blessed to have our 6 kids!   xoxo Grace

Tay . Laughing girl

 

{this was two weeks after Elle pasted}
On a warm night in July, while Tay & the little kids was with her grandparents, We went on a date. A few short hours later, we received a phone call telling us that Taylee had been in an accident and we needed to go straight to the hospital......

Sweet little Taylee had fallen into a canal and floated about 1½ miles downstream where she bumped into the leg of Jeff Call, a farmer who was working in the canal and was about ready to leave, but decided he needed to put one last board in the ditch where he was irrigating.

At first he thought she was a doll, but he quickly realized that she was a six yr old girl. He scooped her up, handed her to his brother, Mike, and they immediately began CPR and called 911 for help. Her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins were all searching frantically for her in and out of the canal. It was an excruciating search - minutes that will forever change the life of those who were so frantically hunting for her.

As the emergency crews rushed to their aid, Jeff and Mike prayed passionately for Taylee to survive. She was taken to a Medical Center in Texas where the trauma team didn't give us much hope, but decided that they weren't going to give up on her. They called for the jet to take her to Primary Children's Medical Center in Utah.

It was a long 3 weeks of a battle. Taylee held on & Every person they knew prayed almost four times a day. We were totally blessed with the perfect friends & family. I knew i could count on them for anything. 

here is the little writing that I did the day we lost her...

A life can change in an instant...

And ‘A’ life can change us forever…..

  Taylee has shown us today that perhaps there is a different plan for her than we originally thought. Throughout the events of today and yesterday, Taylee’s conditions have changed down a different path and her little spirit is torn between two worlds. Strange to say but there has been a distinct difference in the feeling of her hospital room today. From one day to the next. It’s as if her valiant little spirit is just staying for us. Just staying long enough for us to realize that this is not the end.

Little Taylee has been a strong fighter but we don’t know if she will be fighting much longer. I feel really blessed to have my family & friends to thank for these last few weeks with my little beauty. 

xoxo Grace

Elle . Baby Girl

 

This is a long post and also is graphic about what happened the day Elle passed. It's raw emotion but remember, it's important for me to remember. I never want to forget.

Just thinking about writing about what happened...the grief..the terrible things we've had to do since Elle's been gone makes me so "heavy." I feel a physical weakness, a cool numbing feeling, a heaviness that consumes my mind, body, and heart. I miss my girl when I walked into Elle's room. I got heavy. So many memories, emotions and wishes come flooding in. I still can see her sleeping in her bed-I can even feel her in there. Every night, Jason and I check on Lila & Cole before we go to bed and then go to tell Elle goodnight. I leave Elle's lamp on all day so I feel like she's still here. The last night in the house when we turned her light off, I stayed in her room for a minute. Her night light was on and I felt her there-she should be in her bed sound asleep. I should be next to her in the guest bed, waiting for her nightly feeding.

I cannot believe she is not here. I cannot believe we have to live without her-we have to live this life of pain and anguish. It all still seems so unreal. I can't believe she's now been gone longer than she was alive. We've spent more time without her than with her. How could this be? The pain is so strong-like it's just beginning. I feel so sorry for Lila & Cole. They should be able to be playing with their little playmate. They were going to be the best of friends. they know she's not here and I can tell they miss her too. I feel like I didn't do my job as a mother to protect her. I could've been a better mother and advocate for my daughter and I wasn't.

The day everything happened was by far the worst day of my life. I've had 2 other calls to date that people I love had died-but that was NOTHING compared to this call...the call that would forever change me...the call telling me my DAUGHTER was lifeless.

July 8th, 2012 was awful. The morning started out as a very normal joyful morning. I woke the kids up at 7:15 to get them dressed. I changed them and had Elle & lila ready for our daycare lady's. Jason fed him a bottle at 7:30-I was mostly breastfeeding but we had to supplement formula too. Elle was happy that morning and ate just fine. The last image of her I have is her sitting in her car seat on the dining room table while I tucked her blanket around her so the kids could leave with Jay. I gave my kids a kiss, told them I loved them, and was off to work. I would never, in a million years, would have thought I'd get the most horrific call just 2 hours later.

Jay dropped Lila, Elle and Cole off at 8:00 a.m. The daycare lady said Elle was happy and smiling all morning and even flashed her a huge "Elle" smile before she laid her down. She said she laid her down for her nap at 9:15. She didn't take her paci when she laid down like she normally did. Elle always took her paci.

I was at work and was enjoying my morning when I saw my phone ringing. It was our daycare lady. I had no idea that what she was about to tell me would forever change our family. When I answered the phone I remember her saying, "Grraceee...I went to get our girl up from her nap and she's not breathing."

WHAT!?!?!?!

Make her breath! Dangit why couldn't she make her breath! She said she did CPR without any response from her. When I found out 911 hadn't yet been called, I literally hit the floor at work screaming No. This just couldn't be happening. She called 911 and so did my co-worker. I was now faced with a terrible thing-I had to call Jay. After telling him, I ran out of the office with 2 of my co-workers. We drove like maniacs to get to her. I kept trying to call my mom on the drive, called my sister in law, Jay, firefighters...I had to figure out where we were supposed to go. Once I found out I told Travis-we met at the hospital. I remember seeing the ambulance that brought my daughter there. I frantically was searching for her and was then shown where my baby was. I had Jason check on Cole & then Have the daycare lady stay with him for awhile until my sister came.

She looked so little-so helpless.

We got to be in the ER with her while they kept working on her. They worked on her for an hour and the entire time we held her hand, rubbed her foot and pleaded with her to come back to us. I could tell she was gone. Her feet were losing color, her cheeks looked chapped and dry, her tongue has the post mortem look. I will never forget that. It's awful.

The doctor came to me and said they did all they could do and she wasn't coming back. Our little girl was forever gone. Time of death: 11:17. I will always hear that in my head. We stayed with her until probably 2 that day. My father in law picked up Cole, lila, & Taylee for me-I wanted them safe.

We held our sweet baby, kissed her, pleaded with her to still come back.

This is the day the heaviness began...

xoxo Grace.

Baby Swing . Kids

 

 

Just three more before I hit the hay, I know....WOW! It is 10:35 & I am a mother of two little ones that keep me running around & just going crazy everyday. But, I had to do some work, BTW I am so blessed to work from home & love it! I get to spend all day with my kids & then during naps & play dates I try & squeeze in a little bit of work.
I love this age of the loving older sister & brother bond. It is so sweet. I caught lila one night sneaking into Cole's nursery & hopping into his crib to cuddle.It made me tear up. All those sweet little moments make this mother thing all worth it. Motherhood is a beautiful & rewarding job. I will post again soon....
xoxo Grace

Party Animal . Cole

little dude’s on a bit of a sleep strike these days… not exactly what i had in mind for almost eleven on a saturday night, but hey, at least he’s cute ;)
xoxo Grace

Twirls of love

alternate title: blowing off some excess energy before bed :)

happy saturday

me {new hair...new us}

my girl took these photos with my phone and i kind of love them. my heart is happy.
she is the sweetest!

Swing baby girl {new us}

we just got a new house & we are so excited it has a beautiful front yard.

.....and it has a ROPE SWING! I mean that just sealed the deal...haha
my little girl is growing before my eyes & tend to look very similar to me at her age...

I just how much she have grown and become he own little personalities & beautiful face. Jazz is really getting into the whole photography sessions...we are talking daily sessions of her! I love it.

jazz has, also, been loving sleeping in & no school/day care. I am just living it up with my girl and we will start home-school in a month {at the end of September.} I keep putting it off. can you tell?!


trying to live it up at all those days at the park.....

beautiful little ones at the beach! & did I mention the little newest addition...
{his name....cole.....baby cole} here we are on a road trip to fresh start/ new house.


we are just trying to hold onto summer & soak it all up. New house, New hair, New baby, New us!

I will be posting a lot more & the sad stories that brought us to buying a new house & the loss of Ellie & Taylee.